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linda the k says

Here's for your Scam page (by mi):

    America now uses up most of the world's natural resources in producing shoddy products that are designed to break in order to require replacement by other crappy pieces of shit. It may be an old concept, but was never realized with such a vengeance as in the electronics industry. Worse, the junk is sold not only pre-broken, but designed to make other unrelated things break when they do: built-in collateral damage -- added waste! If your refrigerator stopped functioning and produced salmonella spores every 3 weeks, if your car needed to be replaced every year for one compatible with new roads, if your water supply cut off every time you unplugged your toaster, if your sewing machine began to sew maniacally whenever a lightbulb burned out, you'd be living in an economy based on the production of useless waste. Our "economy" runs entirely on the continuous acquisition and immediate junking purposely-pre-broken-and-collaterally-destructive unresaleable garbage made of non-renewable resources produced by slaves to be snapped up by junk addicts working 80 hours a week to pay just the interest on purchase of more of the same tawdry doodads that will instantly wind up in the trash heap. Let's face it, the economy and our lifestyle would go to hell overnight even if we just got rid of only this DESIGNED WASTE, let alone cut back on our luxuries. Microsoft would go broke instantly. When life depends on the buying and selling of germ-ridden exploding excrement sculpted to look like luxury items, there's only one more step to go, and we're just arriving there now: DON'T even bother to sculpt it! We''ll line up to buy wheelbarrows full of actual turds which we'll take directly to the sewage pit for disposal -- a time-saving convenience we'll also pay for . All jobs will be in the "shit sector" -- the collection, disease-enhancement, time-bomb imbedding, plastification and distribution of stools to the outlets. The shit we produce ourselves will be taxed and regulated so that only properly treated specimens be available for public removal. The cesspools will magically grow right along with the expanding economy. The local stinking erupting defecation dump will be hailed as a symbol of prosperity. Americans will congratulate themselves as divinely blessed because they'll have huge stockpiles of genuine, long-lasting, highest-potentcy BM that spews the farthest and fastest when it blows. The US will still be the great superpower: The Number One Number Two in the global outhouse.

presidential pros

    Homemaker's Recipe for Success The White House made a number of recess appointments last week as Congress fled for spring break. One was April H. Foley, a "homemaker," according to campaign contribution disclosure documents, from South Salem, N.Y. She was named to the board of directors of the Export-Import Bank. The appointment is good until Congress adjourns next year. So why a homemaker for this job? Well, "early in her career," the White House announcement says, she was director of business planning for corporate strategy with PepsiCo Inc. and director of strategy for Reader's Digest Association. More recently, she was president of the United Way of Northern Westchester County, N.Y. Not all of it, just the northern part. Still not locked in on the merits? Did we mention she used to date George W. Bush when both were at Harvard Business School and has remained friends with him? C 2003 The Washington Post Company ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ---- George W. Bush Resume Past work experience: Ran for congress and lost. Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie. Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas, company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using tax-payer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox. With fathers help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas. Accomplishments: Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union. Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money. Set record for most executions by any Governor in American history. Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my fathers appointments to the Supreme Court. Accomplishments as president: Attacked and took over two countries. Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury. Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history. Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period. Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market. First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner. First president in US history to enter office with a criminal record. First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history. After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in US history. Set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips than any other president in US history. In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job. Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in US history. Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12 month period. Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history. Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television. Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in US history. Presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed. Presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have. Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans. Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind. (http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches/) Dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history. My presidency is the most secretive and un-accountable of any in US history. Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (the 'poorest' multi-millionaire, Condoleeza Rice has an Chevron oil tanker named after her). First president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt. Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world. First president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation. Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States. Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US history. First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the human rights commission. First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the elections monitoring board. Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history. Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant. Withdrew from the World Court of Law. Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions. First president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections). All-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations. My biggest life-time campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation). Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history. First president in US history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community. First president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1) First US president to establish a secret shadow government. Took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history). With a policy of 'dis-engagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years. Fist US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability. First US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea. Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts. Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts. Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'. Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capitol building. After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects. In the 18 months following the 911 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States. Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history. In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war. Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down. Records and References: At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available). AWOL from National Guard and Deserted the military during a time of war. Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use. All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view. All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view. All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view. Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public review. For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker (They can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.)
lk says
    I Am Your Worst Nightmare.    I am a BAD American.

I am George Carlin.
I like big cars, big hooters, and big paychecks. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give away to crack addicts squirting out babies. I'm not in touch with my feelings and I like it that way. I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang. I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer. I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason. I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized. I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, you'd better do it in English. I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions. I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July. I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4-7 years of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened. My heroes are John Wayne, the Simpsons, and whoever canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it. I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I am freezing my ass through a long winter? I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut-the-fuck-up already. I want to know which church is it, exactly, where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches. And where does he get his money. And why is he always part of the problem and not the solution. I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them. I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you are breaking the law, regardless of what color you are. I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation of the world for the next four years. I hate those bastards standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making 'donations' to their cause. These people should be targets. I think if you are in the passing lane, and not passing, your license should be revoked, and you should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to never delay the rest of us again. I think beef jerky could quite possibly be the perfect food. I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents. I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. I think Dr. Seuss was a genius. I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise. I believe if she has her lips on your willie, it is sex, and it is sex for both of you. This even applies when you are President of the United States. If that makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American. If you too are a BAD American please forward this to everyone you know. We need our country back.

l hale says

    I'm mean, what the heck. No one will get the message, but we'll have fun in the dark for a day.
Subject: Roll Your Own Blackout
Date: Fri, 18 May 2001 19:27:25 -0700
ROLL YOUR OWN BLACKOUT THE FIRST DAY OF SUMMER
JUNE 21, 2001 THURS EVE, 7-10pm worldwide, all time zones
As an alternative to George W. Bush's energy policies and lack of emphasis on efficiency, conservation and alternative fuels, there will be a voluntary rolling blackout on the first day of summer, June 21 at 7pm - 10pm in any time zone (this will roll it across the planet). Its a simple protest and a symbolic act. Turn out your lights from 7pm-10pm on June 21. Unplug whatever you can unplug in your house. Light a candle, kiss and tell or not, take a stroll in the dark, invent ghost stories, anything that's not electronic -have fun in the dark. Read the 1999 book "Natural Capitalism" by Hawken and Lovins to learn that conservation/high efficiency technologies already ARE on-the-shelf. If implemented these revolutionary ideas would pay themselves off within five years, after which we'd be pumping far less greenhouse gas into the atmosphere and saving bucks to boot. Forward this email as widely as possible, to your government representatives and environmental contacts. Let them know we want global education, participation and funding in conservation, efficiency and alternative fuel efforts -- and an end to over-exploitation and misuse of the earth's resources. Anyone knows that the Cheney-Bush team is blowing smoke when they tell us that "... conservation can't help, it'll just be too expensive to implement those technologies..." While on the other hand, technology to develop and deploy weapons to blow incoming ICBMs out of the sky is easy to come by.

uncle scam says

a note

   chance, nice one. is this helping get over on the politically vested females in your home town? here in town auntie's butt is raising the ruff.
ch@nce says

creative uses for for fundamentalist spam with "find/replace"

   The Star upon that Solstice Tree. A bright star marked the day! A gift of truth with love, was given by Goddess in a special Way!               A child was born, that would show the Way.   A woman who knew the

continued goddess I

HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
  You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listedcompany,
  using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank,then
  you execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer sothat
  you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows.
  The milk rights are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a
  Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder
  who sells the rights to all 7 cows' milk back to the listedcompany.
  The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option
  to purchase one more.*; Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because the
  feng shui is bad.

watermelonslim says
And then I thought, hey, I've got a racket. I'm gonna take a bunch of free and uncopyrighted scam submissions on somebody's funny website, put catchy hip-hop rythyms to them, and create deadly serious commercial-quality blues recordings in 24-track studios, get a big recvording contract, tour the world for about five years and then retire comfortably to Memphis, with occasional sidetrips to Mississippi.

Got a dynamite wildlife scam too: the Honobia Wildlife Management scam. First, clearcut about 3 1/2 million acres of forest land on either side of an insignificant state border-- say, Oklahoma and Arkansas. Degrade the environment, muddy the streams and rivers, kill half of the fish in them with the 24D you use to keep the clearcut defoliated so that you can replant it with billions of specimens of an imported variety of pine tree that is practically useless (it's called loblolly, and it's from Georgia)unless mixed with the local hardwood and pine trees you just cut down billions of. Don't forget, while waiting for these useless trees to grow big enough to cut and mix with the remaining hardwoods from surrounding areas, to claim your tax depreciation writeoff for the land you just degraded. Call yourself "The Tree-Farming Company," for good public relations with the locals, many of whom you will hire at substandard wages to haul the useless trees to the large paper plants you will build using liberal municipal subsidiies from the towns in which they are built. Save aside a portion of the money you make from bilking Uncle Sam for his tax money, and the sale of the paper you make from your handy-dandy tree mixture, to buy more large tracts of good, natural forest land from indigent Choctaws and Chicasaws, so that you can repeat the whole process. Then, after you have fully tax-depreciated the land, sell the land to another large firm, say, an insurance company, so that they can cash in on the 20 years of depreciation too.
Then get your friends in the insurance company to initiate a program of monitoring the degradation of the flora and fauna that you have caused with your clearcutting and defoliation. Charge the sportsmen who live in the vast tracts you sold to the insurance company exorbitant fees for the monitoring service. In addition, charge the cattle farmers you allow to run their cattle through your useless monocrop woods more exorbitant fees so that they can drive on their own roads, and avoid more extensive fines they would incur by ignoring your "wildlife management fee." Stick it to 'em. At least 18 dollars for every man woman and child who drive or live in the areas your buddy the insurance company owns. Later, after Mr. JohnHancock has gotten HIS full tax depreciation writeoff for owning the degraded land, BUY IT BACK, and get 20 MORE years depreciation, now that you are again cutting down your useless loblolly pine and selling it to lumber product companies as fence posts that warp in a few months. As another scammer suggests, "BE CREATIVE!!"
William CharlesTinker says
Homelessness is a scam to create a never ending job for state and local social workers to have a meal ticket all at the expense of the impoverished,as well as the disabled..This result has killed a lot of our brothers and sisters off,apathy and lack of compassion by the FEDS and State government is rampant..The government has had the means and knowledge to end homelessness since the 70s but have not!!! Wake up America this is our call to action plan,don,t let another brother or sisters life be in vane ever again! Bill Tinker Nhhomeless@egroups.com [advocate for displaced and disabled]1-603-286-2492

Unclescam you got a nice set up here..
folkbone says
During the 1980's, RR and his friends sent the national debt into the straosphere...a bazillion-trillion dollars, if you will.

Intersest payments on this sum come right off the top of incoming federal tax dollars every year.

Figure that interest rate at, oh say 7-8 percent.

Is anybody who is reading this getting any of that interest money? Is anyone that you know getting that interest money?

Hell no! It's going to all of Ronnie's personal friends, multinationals, and bankers (well isn't that convenient).

And it comes right off the top every single year, just like clockwork, an annual economic sodomy of the average American citizen.

Cigarette?

uncle scam says
dec 10

well dean thank ya laddie. we'll be out sunday thru the 23, if the weather's dry.now what's your uncle's scam ?


"Dean" says
Hey Blue,

It's your biggest fan over here just writing to say "Hi" and wish you the best of luck with any winter-time shows you might have going in the near future.
Cheers,
"Dean"
lulubelle says
Prisons-for-profit: Baby-sitters for criminals

Raw Materials Needed: Live Adult Humans
How to create your Business:Write laws meant to be broken, ex.
declare pot-smokers criminals; declare all law-breakers to be adults;
declare mandatory sentences, pref. no parole;
have cops frame live "adult" humans; declare retarded persons
fit for trial; if you run out of hard-core criminals, make laws against poets,
protests, homelessness, poverty; engage in "good faith" warrantless searches,
pref. dark-skinned people and Arabs; supply plenty of
cheap guns to populace; Be CREATIVE!
Cut overhead: declare Puerto Rico a state
and turn it into a giant penalcolony. If that
gets too expensive, or if you run low on Live Adult Humans,
move offshore, accept criminals from all over
the globe. The moon's the limit. BAN ALL
FORMS OF BIRTH CONTROL AND DECLARE IT
A CRIME TO HAVE BABIES YOU CAN'T SUPPORT!
Declare it a crime to be an unsupportable
minor. LOTS OF MONEY TO BE MADE! All you
need is bricks, mortar,bars, armed guards.
BONUS: RENT YOUR LIVESTOCK OUT FOR
BIO-CHEMICAL RESEARCH!!! Quasi-Governmental
Profit by the Misery and Tragedy Created
right in your own society! BE ON TOP OF THIS
TREND!
dmitri says
i was comingk into the aeroport of kennedy and saw me some guys in red hats pushing carts with piles of luggage around. they would not let me push my own cart and when i tried to find me a cart was told only guys in red hats could push carts in aeroport. i got me a red hat. been pushin carts. don't even put the luggage on the carts an they pay me. they give me extra to smile. then the other red hats see me say i can't do this, i gotta get hired join a union. i say "ussr" is union." they say " you in amerika now. afl/cio bigger than russia". so friend lexi make call. they right.now i drive cab
azu says
was eatin hotdogs with mustard and got thirsty
harvey the hat says
don't you just hate the world bank, loaning money

 

 

to the rich land owners in poor third world countries
and the making the poor people suffer when the land owners
default? I hate that scam myself.

uncle scam says
sometimes i will reply to scams. in the here and now the idea of financial gain thru skullduggery is rife. the gain is wherein we scam. no gain no scam! we are not here as a hate list, but as a reminder of the use of human capacity to think of ways to get over on our fellow humans. loveyaall uncle


blue says
ok there was this pol who called me and asked if my uncle still had a certificate to teach.as he did he asked if i would like to set up a school to teach those welfare mothers being tossed off the dole how to work in daycare. he would see to a contract with the state, to pay me to teach them howto care for children, legally. now as they had kids who needed daycare, so their mothers could go to work or school, the state would pay me to care for the children of the mothers i was teaching. so here i am teaching mothers to take care of their own children, in a state funded school, and collecting for each of the children of those same mothers. i pay minimum wage, paid by the state. i charge top rates, paid by the state. scammin in mass. blue
The Hat says
"My uncle" works for the city, gets a paycheck and doesn't do a damn thing. He can get away with this because my uncles boss also works for the city and doesn't do a damn thing. My uncles job is to enforce the Street Performers ordinance. He gets paid via the license fees collected from the very performers he's supposed to protect from violations!

uncle scam invites you to share with us the every day scam,  the scam that your "uncle" uses to get by. Submit your Uncle's Scam

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